You talk to each other every work day. You joke together and make each other laugh when things get too stressful on the job. You may even meet up for a drink after work. But do you really know each other?
Work friends are often only familiar with one another in the framework of their job. They don’t know much about their hobbies or what they’re doing on a Saturday afternoon. And they may not even know that they’re dealing with a personal crisis. If your coworker confides in you that they are facing a family health emergency, would you know what to do? Read on to find out how to help your colleague.
Check In With Your Coworker
Oftentimes, distressed employees will keep personal problems to themselves, even if they are relatively close to their coworkers. Perhaps they feel they should be able to handle the stress of the crisis as well as their regular workload. Maybe they feel they would be treated differently or even lose their job if they can’t keep up. They might just not think it’s professional to share.
When you sense that a coworker is distracted or visibly upset, check in with them. If they’re willing to share the situation, then make sure you listen and offer your support. Employees with family members who are ill would likely appreciate get well soon gifts. Just be sure to send them to their home to respect their privacy at work.
Throughout the upcoming weeks, continue to check in with your coworker. Stop by their desk when they are alone or send an email and ask how they are coping. You want to ask if they are handling the personal situation well. Your coworker will appreciate your concern.
Make Yourself Available
The best thing you can do when a coworker is struggling with a family crisis is to be available to them. And not just in a vague way. Don’t say things like, “If you need anything, let me know.” Or “What can I do to help?” In most cases, your work friend will not make any suggestions. They will not want to burden you, or they will be embarrassed to ask for specific help.
Instead, offer ideas of ways in which you can help. Perhaps let them know that you’re headed to Chick-fil-A for lunch and you’d like to bring them something back. Or maybe if you need to call a client, ask if they’d like you to check in for them as well.
Making yourself available lets your colleague know that you are willing and able to help them in their time of need. They will be thankful that you are there, offering specific assistance with their workload.
Don’t Pry
You notice a coworker is showing signs of distress. Perhaps you suspect a problem at home. So, you gently let them know that you can see they’re upset. Ask them if they’d like to talk about it. If your work friend says no, then drop it. You do not want to pry into their personal life if they are unwilling to share the problem.
If they are willing to express what they’re going through, then be an active listener. Don’t interrupt and don’t offer suggestions before hearing the whole story. Your friend is entrusting you with a personal issue. Treat them with respect and value the situation they’ve placed you in.
You may feel unsure of what to say or how to support your coworker. Sometimes a simple, heartfelt response is all that is needed. You can say, “I’m sorry to hear that you’re going through this.” That may be all they need to hear from you. Let them know that you are available if they want to talk about it. However, do not ask a lot of questions if they seem unwilling to talk.
Don’t Try to Fix It
Your immediate instinct may be to try to solve the problem your coworker is facing. You may want to offer suggestions, like home remedies or a good specialist. However, you probably aren’t aware of enough information about the situation to be providing viable solutions. Instead, your goal should be to make your coworker feel comfortable.
Don’t try to relate to your colleague by describing a family health crisis you went through. Especially if it’s something like, “My second cousin once thought she had cancer, but it was just a benign lump. We were worried sick.” Meanwhile, your coworker’s spouse is undergoing chemotherapy for aggressive stage 4 cancer. This can sound like you are trying to one-up their crisis.
Don’t tell them to look on the bright side either. They may not be able to see anything positive. And what you intended to be helpful, just comes off as downplaying their crisis and trivializing the situation. Instead, simply listen and sympathize unless you are specifically asked for advice.
Helping Your Coworker
When you want to support a coworker who’s dealing with a family crisis, you may find yourself in a tricky situation. While you may want to offer advice, your best bet is to let your work friend lead the conversation. They will let you know how much or little you should be involved and how you can offer help.
You can reach an ideal balance between providing much needed support and not prying in your colleague’s personal life. You’ll strengthen the work relationship you have with them, and possibly help them through a rough experience at the same time.
